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EMBED for wordpress. Want more? Advanced embedding details, examples, and help! Usage Attribution 3. Made by Jacques Biederer Ostra Studio , a Paris photographer of high-class erotica.

Was astonished to discover he also dabbled in stag films. Behold: Charlize Theron wielding a riding crop in a flapper dress for Head in the Clouds.

On Showtime's Billions , Paul Giamatti stars as Chuck Rhoades Jr. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, who enjoys a private BDSM relationship as his wife's played by Maggie Siff submissive.

In the second season of Amazon's hit Transparent , Sarah Pfefferman played by Amy Landecker begins a BDSM relationship with a dom called Pony.

Doctor Who star Billie Piper's turn as a dominatrix in ITV2's Secret Diary of A Call Girl is iconic. Liv Tyler donned a tight PVC costume for her BDSM scene in the comedy, One Night at McCool's.

Gretchen Mol starred as pin-up girl Bettie Page in this biopic that also delved into her work posing for bondage shoots.

In a guest role on House , John Cho played a man who turns out to be the submissive in a dom-sub relationship with a dominatrix. This is an interesting story.

Thank you for being brave enough to share. I have a few questions :. I miss the simplicity of it all.

No job, no worries, no trouble. Every time I do my taxes or wonder if I can buy a new pair of pants, I have flashbacks to those 16 months. When we used to have friends over, I had flashbacks to the time Frank had people over and tended at first to remain quiet.

No, because I could have simply told him at any time that I wanted to leave, which I ended up doing in the end.

The saddest part, is that I don't think I will ever be happier than in the first 12 months or so that I was there. Back then, I had been miserable up to the moment I accepted to live with Frank.

I couldn't believe my luck in short. He was attentive and loving, at least, in my mind. I am sure that my current boyfriend is much better but back then I didn't know better.

We spoke for a few hours. He asked me why I said it and if he could take back what he had done. I almost agreed to stay, but I guess my heart knew my time was over.

Eventually he gave me some clothes and we went to see my mom. I think he really intended to drop me there and say goodbye but her indifference shook both of us.

I asked myself that question a lot. I think that indeed, something died inside of me. It's weird. At first, after I said my safe word, I was empty inside.

I had no goal, no direction, no idea of who I was. Perhaps I was like a house that had been built on a shaky foundation. Frank helped destroyed it which allowed me to rebuild it over the next few months or years.

In the spirit of getting both sides, when you look back, is there anything you really regret doing or allowing to be done to you? The 3 weeks of pet play were quite amusing.

I had a lot of fun and is one of my fondest memories of the period. If my boyfriend asked me to do BDSM again, I would probably hesitate, but I wouldn't mind doing pet play once more from time to time.

I think I was shaking for hours and the marks on my breasts stayed for almost 2 days thought I have no idea how long it really was since I didn't have access to a clock.

I certainly would have been more clear on my expectations and my limits and I would have asserted myself more often. We had a temporary safe-word, you know, to just stop what we were doing at the time but not the entire period.

I should have used it for the blindfolds and the no-talking, but then again, perhaps I would still be there with rotten tooths. Certainly I would have insisted on regular walks outside and access to a calendar, but then again, the disorientation about the time seemed to have helped me overcome my problems.

I am certainly a better person now, but perhaps a normal boyfriend would have brought the same results. Maybe you needed the kind of attention someone like Frank to get you on the right road?

That's definitely not something a normal boyfriend could do. Have you seen the movie Secretary? Yeah I think someone who has suffered trauma like yours would need something extreme to really knock you back into your life.

It sounds like you were essentially brainwashed from the experience of living with your parents. I'm not saying that this was the best solution for you or that this sort of extreme situation would help everyone.

But there's a reason that many monastic orders take vows of silence. It really gives your brain time to process the things that happen to us in our daily lives.

Many of us spend so much time plugged in that we forget that we exist outside of our minds. I dunno, but when you said that this time gave you a sort of restart it made perfect sense to me.

But I'd just like to say that I'm glad you made it out safely. I hope the rest of your life just gets better from here.

And perhaps that's why the last bit of silence caused me to stop it, especially when coupled with the blindfold.

Is there a reason for this? He said he'd take you to see a doctor - did that not extend to dentists? I think my lack of visits to the dentist for 16 months shocked him more than the fact I spent those 16 months naked.

Since I wasn't really normal, I thought he was actually normal about dental hygiene until Reddit pointed it out. If you're not exaggerating about "5 times a day" that's actually too much.

Like, you can cause damage brushing your teeth that frequently. Maybe the bf has just a touch of dental OCD?

The first time you went to a dentist after the ordeal, did you have many cavities? I never once went to a dentist as a kid my parents sucked, not as much as yours and I rarely remembered to brush my teeth, but the first time I had my teeth cleaned 2 years ago - I'm 27 I only had two cavities.

I was actually kind of shocked. Dental strength can vary a lot from person to person I brush my teeth and see the dentist regularly, but I still get a shit-ton of cavities.

I must have had 12 or so, about half on baby teeth. Can't upvote that enough! Normal seems to be times per day and some people take gums, others floss, most people that floss do it not every day.

At the point you were when he picked you? Hell, even for keeping you away from drugs he pretty much saved your ass.

And as boyfriends go, he was very close to what you needed. Plus I have a feeling it helped a lot that he was a bit older and more experienced you didn't say this, but it's a safe guess.

Living and talking with him for more then a year probably was good education for you. Your "mentor" if you will Many of us had one I'm still grateful for mine.

I think so too. Not being in school anymore meant I no longer had a ton of "safe" guys wanting to give me drugs for sex. Your "mentor" if you will. He taught me to cook and do his laundry I didn't really have any laundry.

That was already more than my mother did for me. I don't think so. Most men at this age are off pursuing their dreams and don't have time to give that much attention to a woman.

The dream is rarely to take care of a woman. I think it would be odd if you found someone who took care of you as well as Frank did. I honestly think he's a good guy based on your account of him.

I'll also add that your emotional experience is the extreme of many women I have met. Most of the time, it's not hard for me to find a girl who craves attention in exchange for one thing or another.

I usually assume it's some parental issue, because I don't see where they would find that a sufficient affection other than through family.

I respectfully think more people should read your story. It would help enlighten people on how abuse affects the people around them. Your story is extraordinary to say the least.

Slaves get no respect. No respect I tells ya. I went to a fetish party once. I got slapped around, insulted and degraded. Some guy even used me as a toilet.

I was there for a tickle fetish. No respect at all. So my wife, she says 'Rodney, I want to fuck you hard'. I goes up to the bedroom expecting a night of passion.

I'm up there for hours and I'm thinking 'Whats taking her so long? I go downstairs to see all my stuff's gone.

She leaves me a note and says 'I fucked you good! I was a slave once. I went to one of them dungeon things.

I'm an ugly man though. Just not attractive at all. The slave master took one look at me and used his safe word. It's rough being me, its real rough.

Hey, you and me. We'd get along great. Real great I tells ya. We should go out some time; I'm always looking for a new ex-wife.

My last wife, when she wanted me to stop she would say 'anything'. I mean it. She'd say anything to get me to go away.

I'm tellin ya, if she was awake she wanted nothin' to do with me. What made it harder was that she was a Insomniac.

It's tough bein' me. It really is. Well, I learned from Reddit today that my boyfriend's attitude toward dental hygiene is near to obsessive levels.

In a weird way, I admire you just because I would imagine this takes such will power. Question: was it sort of like a challenge in your head to NOT say the safe word as long as possible?

You have to understand that my mother was pretty much beaten every day and drilled into my head that you couldn't say no to a man who was taking care of you.

At first, a lot of things triggered my temporary safe word "red light" for the current event to stop, but somehow, I didn't think to just end the whole agreement.

I felt safe. I felt loved. I didn't think I could get anything better than I was getting. In the end however, he pushed too hard and I realized that I wasn't feeling myself.

Out of self-preservation, I felt that the "red light" safe word wasn't enough anymore, so I used the full safe word "MacGyver" which ended the whole relationship.

For someone who was described as a "reject of society", you sure know how to format well and write coherently. I am now I matured a lot since then I do not think I have ever read an AMA that kept me more deeply enthralled than that did.

I just blazed right through it and only after I had finished the conclusion did I realize just how long it was. Thank you so much for sharing your story here.

I have dabbled in BDSM but nothing anywhere near as deep as you went. You are indeed quite lucky that Frank did respect your safety word.

There are some that I know who would have gotten too used to having an obedient slave and would have disregarded it as simple disobedience and punished accordingly.

The long term safe word was "MacGyver". I know, it sounds weird, but you want to have a word that will not be said by accident. Something that stands out in the conversation.

The "in the moment" safe word was simply "red light". It's apparently very common. How will you express if you are on Mouth gag?

Now that you know more, do you look back at the time, what you endured for so long and triple facepalm or brush it off as something that helped you get out the funk?

I don't believe so. I did have 2 cavities the next time I went to see the dentist. That's pretty much it.

If I had allowed tattoos or branding, I suspect it might have turned out differently, but I am not sure. It depends on what you mean.

I do regret the years in high school I was on drugs and sleeping with pretty much everybody. I am lucky I didn't get into more problems.

But I generally have fond memories of first 12 months or so passed in Frank's company. The last few months were harder but nowhere as bad as in my parent's house.

The few times it went a little too far, I tend to indeed brush it off as accidents but I am not sure I see it as specifically helping me getting out of the funk, like you said.

I think it's mostly that someone cared for me and that I didn't have a care in the world. For those 16 months, I was like a child : no money worries, no wondering what you happen next.

I lived entirely in the present and slowly stopped thinking about the past. I generally took a long shower each time Frank was out to work, often until the hot water ran out.

I was 18 when I said yes to Frank. He was 37 at the time. I should have made that clearer in my text. So how do you feel about Frank now?

You seem to potray him as an ok guy just with a crazy fetish or? Always used a condom. It was in the late 90s and most of the guys I fooled around were scared shit of AIDS.

They all knew I was easy so they didn't take any chances and used a condom. In the end, I don't think I had a single unprotected relation.

More seriously, its indeed good to hear you've turned your life around enough to open up about such things.

Wish you the very best in future, One love. Then it isn't a role, right? Its your identity. Roles seem to be defined by the fact that you envision the possibility of an end to playing them.

I am thinking that after it had been a year, Frank assumed it was my new life and that I was fully devoted to him.

A lifelong obedient slave. He started to push more and more, perhaps to test me, perhaps because he was no longer holding back. The 3 weeks blindfolding had taken me all I could and it was in the middle of a "no talking except during debriefing phase" which was slowly becoming a "no talking at all" rule.

When he wanted to tie me to his cross, something I always hated other than the fact that it was a perfect occasion to beg him to get me down.

This time, I wasn't allowed to talk and it simply was too much for me, so I cancelled everything, making an end to the role.

But I would be lying if I said that I had a clear distinction between my life and my role during those last few months.

REALLY interesting story. I say Frank seems like a "nice" guy - if by nice one means that he didn't murder you but just sincerely seemed to care about you, like you know, a human being to a different human being.

Well, good luck in future endeavors and Sometimes I think my childhood was bad it wasn't and then I read about people with really shitty ones.

For example, he insisted to repeat my safe word several times per week or so to make sure I didn't forget it and he would hold me in his arms for hours after long sessions, to make sure I was alright.

My guess is that perhaps he too had a rough childhood but instead of being cared for he wanted someone to care about. Yeah, but the worse is that when you compare, there is always someone who had it worse than you.

I wasn't sexually abused or even beaten. I wasn't even spanked once. I am not sure I could actually write a book about it. It took all I had to write that much.

Do feel liberated or vulnerable now that you have talked about it? I would think those would be the 2 feelings that could come from this. As for the whole father mother thing, it saddened me to hear this.

I know that this type of family happens all to much. What really saddens me is no one seemed to care. The school should have seen some issues with you and intervened at some point.

Would it be to much to ask what state this took place in? I am guessing PA or NY. Just guessing. I hope you now enjoy your life. It seems you are on your way to a good one.

Also, if you haven't seen it you need to see the movie "The Secretary". What a fantastic movie. I felt liberated when I told my boyfriend back then.

I also felt liberated when I told my psychologist. You could get someone to write it with you, either a ghostwriter or co-author. I imagine there are plenty of writers at local colleges, community education centers and the like who would like to work with you.

Alternatively turn it into another piece of art a play, documentary, painting. This is a wonderful story that deserves more than a reddit post.

What did you tell her? You really should have gone into extreme detail. Promising you he won't make the same mistakes doesn't really mean much.

Welcome to reddit. Your post was fascinating and really informative from a psychological point of view. Thank you for including your childhood and family life.

It really explains the reasons your trajectory in life pushed towards those places and people.

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